There are people in this world that are really good at controlling their emotions. They can function fully and not show any sign of stress or distress when something really bad is going on in their life. My wife Becky appears to be one of those people. I have watched her go through really rough times when her father was sick and eventually died from cancer. I watched as she planned and worked with her mother to insure that everything was properly managed. I watched as she went through really rough times at work and changed jobs when her father was ill. I have admired her from up close and wondered how she kept it all together never realizing just how hard that is to do.
A few years later here I am. Watching my father waste away with Alzheimers, watching my mother slowly deteriorate with COPD. Learning that life isn’t fair and that living a good life and being a good person does not insure a pleasant death. I hope I have the strength of Becky to make it through this. I don’t know how to express the sadness that I feel now on a daily basis and the pain that I feel inside. I don’t know how to sleep without dreaming. I wake up every day to the same nightmare and feel so helpless.
Fortunately, I still have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for.
I look forward to having Thanksgiving dinner with my family and going over to see my mom and dad later. I look forward to talking to my grandson and watching silly YouTube videos with my son. I look forward to talking with Becky and even watching her sleep. I can remind myself that in time this will be behind me and I’ll be knocking on the Lords door myself.
